As I welcome 2018, I thought it’s about time I come clean. It’s the new year after all, we’re all about new beginnings–fresh start, clean slate.
So here goes.
For the past couple of years, I’ve increasingly felt like a fraud– a fraud who’s successfully fooled a lot of you into thinking I’ve achieved so much and got my life all figured out. But what have I achieved really? Hits? Followers? Statistics? Nowadays, we seem to be so enthralled in that social media life. But before you go on thinking this is yet another blogpost bashing the “superficiality” of it all, no it’s not. I appreciate social media and all that it has to offer. I get it. It’s pleasure for a lot of you and business for some of us. Numbers are important, especially for people who are in the line of work that I’m in. But I must admit, I sometimes resent it.
Social media is a double-edged sword. And being in the line of work that I’m in, I hate that I have, at one point, allowed these numbers to “validate” my relevance–personally and emotionally. I start to question myself, second guess my decisions and compare myself to my peers. It’s starting to feel like a race that I just can’t keep up with. Honestly, I feel tired. Out of breath. Uninspired. No longer driven.
So why am I still doing this? Because at the end of the day, I still really do love what I do. And I love that I have the platform to share my passions to the world and connect with all of you which are the main reasons why I started doing this anyway. I never thought of it as a career. I never thought of it as my main bread and butter. But then, it happened organically so I just went along for the ride. But I guess when the circumstances changed, my passion project’s effect on me changed as well. It’s suddenly a business so I couldn’t help but put pressure on myself–so much so that I left no room for anything but disappointment. Each time, I felt like I wasn’t really doing enough. I wasn’t achieving enough. I wasn’t enough. And it’s just not healthy–constantly feeling like you’re inadequate isn’t healthy.
So I’m making changes.
After much reflection, I’ve figured out the problem. Blogging/social media as a career just isn’t for me. It has started to become toxic for me because we’re simply not a good fit. I’m not made for it. I don’t have the skin for it. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I love it and I’ll probably still keep doing it, but not as my main career. I need to bring it back to the good old days and take the pressure out of it. It has to go back to being just a passion project that happens to have its perks. So what does this mean for us? It just means I’m shifting focus and prioritizing different things now. Let’s be honest, some of you have probably already noticed the change. I no longer post and blog as much. I’ve been spending more time setting up new businesses that I hope will take me to the next chapter of my life. I’m finally going after that big life achievement I’ve always wanted for myself but have never seen in blogging/social media.
As an avid follower of my blog, you must know by now I’m all about positivity. And the biggest key to staying positive is to know when to cut the negative energy loose and make changes that will better yourself. I’m sharing all of this with you not only because I wanted to update you guys with my honest opinions but also because I was hoping those of you who can relate to what I’m feeling will be motivated to make positive changes as well.
It’s a new year filled with plenty of new possibilities. Let’s be brave together.
P.S. Let’s talk more on January 9. I’d like to invite some of you to an intimate dinner date. Just leave a comment below, let me know if you’d like to join and I’ll send you the invite if selected.